Day 26: Clarity

The past couple of days have been stressful and strange. I won't go into the details as to why but I've been an agitated state for a good couple of days. Today, that finally went away. Part of it was simply the catharsis of discussing the details with someone but, mostly, it was a realisation I came to while transcribing an interview with Aloe Blacc.

Aloe Blacc is someone who is a big influence on me. He's best known as a soul singer but he's actually undertaken studies in neuroscience and worked as a strategic business consultant. He's an ambitious man of considerable accomplishment and far-reaching interests whose sole goal in life is to help as many people as he can in the best way possible - which, eventually, is a description I hope to apply to my own work.

I asked him if he felt pressure or apprehension about pursuing music instead of a more 'practical' way of helping people. He said no - 'you do what you can. You do as much as you are capable of doing. You be sincere, you be honest and you try your best'. When I heard that played back on the recording, I felt myself relax. All of the intense anxiety started to evaporate.

I may not have been quite living up to my own demands over the past week or two and I may be having difficulty getting by but I'm trying my best to be a better person. If I'm not there yet, I will be eventually. If I never get to the level I want to get to, I tried and I refuse to believe that trying your best to improve yourself could make you a worse person.

The whole thing reminded me of something Tim Finn once said about songwriting. He said he'd never felt writer's block. If the songs weren't coming, he just waited. Eventually, they did. This is what I kind of need to hold onto - this idea that things will keep moving and progressing without me screaming and stressing all the time. I need to have faith enough in myself to know that I won't let myself slip into squalor or laziness.

It all sounds obvious but it was something I needed to remember - just the basic idea that my only obligation is to keep putting in an effort to be a better, more productive person. As long as I remember that in the really dark, depressive, anxious times, I should be okay.

Ironically, I got fuck all done today. I was working on the cover story in question (Aloe Blacc) and at work for the rest of the day. I didn't exercise because I was exhausted. I think today was a good day, though. If I hadn't sat back and just healed, I would still be stressed out and probably only poisoning future productivity. This way, I'm hoping I can get back into the swing of things tomorrow.

Oh yeah, I did work on some hip hop stuff. I made a strange chiptuney chord progression. I kind of like it but I suspect many won't....