Ah, that's better.
Either through coincidence or design, that weird, nervy, angry desperation has lifted temporarily. I reached the absolute nadir of despair this morning but then, I went to my father's sixtieth birthday celebrations, I cleared up. I felt a lot better. I think it's important I make an effort to connect and listen to others on a regular basis. It seems to take the edge off.
I have realised that there's an arc to this stuff, though. I've noticed it over the course of the past 43 days. I build up, I break down. There seems to be a general pattern. I'm not sure what to do about it at this point. It might mean I need to work rest into the schedule. It might also mean I simply lack discipline. It's probably a combination of the two. Meditation could be something to seek out.
I've also realised I need to create more consistently. I'm seeing so many amazing things and listening to such amazing music. I feel like I need to kind of leap into the fray and contribute. I can't really explain it. I just feel a desperate need to fill the world with stuff. Quite egotistical, really. I'm worried I never stick to these impulses, though. The difficulty of juggling all these different things is finally starting to hit me.
Daily report:
Exercise: Half-hour, Sunday is a day-off
Everything else: Backburner, really - my dad's sixtieth kind of took over. I'm okay with that, though.
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