Day 31: Work and Depression

This is interesting. Anxious towards the end of last week. Depressed towards the end of this one. Nice to have a sense of balance.

Today was a real struggle. I was at work in one capacity or another from basically 9am-7pm. Doesn't leave much time for other bollocks. That said, I basically made it through the marathon. Dropped the ball once or twice but didn't completely fuck up.

1. Exercise

Only swimming and the bike today. I could give you a lot of reasons for not doing the strength exercises like I should - some of them even legitimate - but I feel it was mainly because it was hard and I was depressed. I will do them tomorrow when my day isn't quite so cluttered, hopefully. I did up the laps to forty today, though, so not a complete waste. That said - I am getting really bummed about my inability to push through my reluctance for weights work.

2. Domestic

Failed. I wasn't home for most of the day so no real opportunities to do the washing up or do any additional cleaning. Still, the house is relatively clean so I'm only marginally bothered by this.

3. Occupation

I have a job interview for tomorrow - so progress in that regard. Also discovered a really cool new job to apply and I plan to apply for it tomorrow.

4. Creative

Didn't expect to get much done today. At the last minute, though, I decided to sketch out a bootleg remix and actually came up with a pretty killer - albeit quite generic - beat and bass groove. Tossing up whether it's too generic to use. It's actually built on a similar pattern to the drum'n'bass beat but with lots of weird little flourishes (and at a completely different time). I'll hopefully find time to post it tomorrow.

5. Logistics

Progress over the past two days - briefly discussed possible venues with an industry friend - but still a weakpoint.

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Overall, I'm not happy at all with today. I suspect, however, that may just be depression speaking on my behalf. I can't shake these feelings of worthless and this idea that I'm behind schedule in life - that I've wasted my year. I did run into someone on the way home from work who re-emphasised the good work I've done so far but I can't help but think I could be doing more or should be further along the line.

Complete bullshit, of course. Things must proceed at their own rate and I've spent all year improving myself - but I can't shake those feelings.