Day 18: Domestic Dominance

The question I'm asking myself right now is - am I developing a sensible work ethic at the moment? Or am I just getting lazier?

Today, I skimped out on one third of the exercise regimen. I did the swimming and the bike but I didn't do the strength exercises. Intellectually, I know this was the reasonable option. I have pains all over my body - and particularly in my knee joints - so it would have been unwise to do anything high-impact. I can't help but feel I'm getting lazier, though.

This isn't just in regards to exercise. I haven't been burning myself out on anything or obsessing over any particular detail of anything. I'm not that fussed all I did was swim yesterday. I'm not that bothered I didn't make much music today (though I did FINALLY figure out how to program a bog-standard drum'n'bass pattern - which is something I've been trying to do for YEARS). Am I becoming a sensible little worker bee? Or a lazy one?

It honestly bothers me. I feel I should be doing more - working harder, faster and smarter. It's hard to know what the barometer is, really. I made the mistake of reading an eminem interview where, in the wake of rehab, he was so obsessed he ran up to 28kms daily. Compare that with my 10kms a day and I look like a lightweight. Compare my 10kms with practically anyone I know, though, and I look like a marathon runner. Same with all my endeavours, really.

People tell me all the time how driven I am and they kind of marvel at my willpower but I can't help but question if I'm actually pushing myself. Physically, I must be - otherwise I wouldn't have so much pain - but intellectually, emotionally, creatively...? Like I said, I feel I should be doing more. Am I nuts?

Today wasn't actually a waste. I spent most of it working on my bedroom. I haven't cleaned my room more than three times since I moved into my house. It's always been a cluttered disaster. So, as part of this whole comprehensive self-improvement mission, I've decided to clean the bastard - and keep it clean. All my successes in keeping my house clean have given me the confidence to say I can do it with my room as well. I plan to have a sock drawer, an underpants drawer, cupboards and shelves by the end of the week.

You have no idea how proud of myself I am for this, just by the way. I feel like I'm really improving myself as a person - getting more disciplined and mature. Perhaps that's lame. I don't care, though. I'm doing something I never thought I'd be able to do before and that's a pretty big deal to me.

In regards to the other stuff, I didn't get massive amounts done. Exercise, yeah, (two out of three, anyway) and, obviously, the domestic stuff. No job application stuff but it's in the schedule. Tomorrow's plans are to finish and submit a job application and finish my room. Creatively, I didn't invest much time in anything specific. I was just trying to wrap my head around drum'n'bass.

I've decided my priority needs to be a job, though. Once I have a concrete job, I can sort my life out and really invest myself in this whole self-improvement thing. I'm looking forward to learning guitar and ballet and french and all of it. Before any of that, though, I need a solid job. So, I'm going to goddamn get one.