Speaking bluntly, I'm just a bit of a mess right now. I had a lot of things I was thinking of talking about in today's entry but I don't really have the focus or the willpower - which is one of the many things that are messifying me.
Over the past couple of weeks, I've noticed something about how I conduct myself socially (and generally, for that matter). I just seem to have an absurd amount of energy and less control. I ramble on and reveal things I shouldn't and just act bizarrely. It's not typical for me. It was, at a time, but it hasn't been the case for a long while. It's strange. I feel this anxious euphoria around people. It's this terrifying sprint of insanity. What bothers me about it is that it's very much how I was towards the end of high school. I found a whole bunch of poems I wrote in high school while tidying my room. and they outlined a whole bunch of problems I'm still dealing with - it fills you with this fear that you're standing still.
Intellectually, I know I'm not, but that fear gets to you.
General report:
Didn't exercise at all today. Too fucked from yesterday. Kept working on the room tidying - it's a much bigger job than I thought it would be - and tidied the house. Otherwise, chilled out. Bit of a wasted day but it's been a really emotional couple of days and I realised I just needed to stop and deal with that for a day. I'm hoping to be back on the horse tomorrow. I suspect, though, that rain is going to fuck my day. Hopefully not.
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